Every so often, somebody announces that Welsh is a dead language.

Usually beneath a news article about people speaking it.

For a supposedly deceased language, Cymraeg maintains an impressive schedule. There are conversations to have, songs to sing, children to raise and arguments about where somebody’s grandfather bought a tractor in 1978. Death will have to wait. We’re busy.

And now, thanks to Welsh Bollocks, there are people to politely correct in 50 languages.

But we’ll get to that.

Welsh has roots in Brittonic, the Celtic language spoken across much of Britain when the Romans arrived. Over the centuries, that language developed into Welsh and its relatives, including Cornish and Breton. Our linguistic family tree stretches considerably further than the bloke who thinks Welsh was invented to complicate his holiday parking arrangements. The Open University explains the history.

By the medieval period, Welsh had a rich culture of poetry and storytelling. While most of us now struggle to compose a birthday message without borrowing something from a greetings card, our ancestors were developing literary traditions that would endure for centuries.

Admittedly, they had fewer distractions. Nobody was losing an entire evening watching someone pressure-wash a patio.

In 1588, William Morgan’s translation of the complete Bible appeared in Welsh: a landmark in the language’s written history. An enormous undertaking, completed without Google Translate or a WhatsApp group called “Quick question about Leviticus”. National Library of Wales.

The language’s journey has also involved rather more hostility than any reasonable means of ordering bread should encounter.

During the nineteenth century, some schools used the Welsh Not, a token given to children caught speaking Welsh. The pupil left wearing it at the end of the day could be punished. Imagine deciding that the educational problem with a child was that they understood the language spoken by their own family. Museum Wales.

Yet Welsh endured. Families kept speaking it. Writers kept writing it. Communities kept passing it on.

Which brings us to the inevitable question: how big is Welsh, globally?

If your only comparison is English, almost every language looks small. It’s like judging every local shop against Amazon and concluding that buying a pint of milk from Dilys is commercially pointless.

The 2021 Census recorded about 538,000 people aged three and over in Wales who could speak Welsh, representing 17.8% of that population. That is a dated census measure of speaking ability, with additional speakers living beyond Wales. Office for National Statistics.

The wider perspective is rather cheering. In comments reported in 2023, linguist David Crystal placed Welsh in roughly the top 7% of the world’s languages by number of speakers.

Meanwhile, the 2022 World Language Barometer placed Welsh 45th for influence among more than 600 languages assessed. That ranking combined 13 measures, including speaker numbers, online presence and wider social and economic factors. These are different ways of measuring a language’s position, but both give Cymraeg considerably more standing than “something on a road sign near Bala”. Forty-fifth for influence. Someone put the kettle on. We’re internationally significant.

Of course, a ranking cannot keep a language alive by itself. That happens when people use it: chatting, working, flirting, making music, telling terrible jokes and asking who’s finished the bloody milk.

Welsh belongs in all those places. Including on your clothes.

Our new spiral range takes a declaration familiar to anyone who has spent part of a holiday explaining where Wales is:

Cymro ydw i, nid Sais.

Cymraes ydw i, nid Saesnes.

I’m Welsh, not English.

The masculine and feminine versions carry the same proud message, translated into 50 languages and arranged in a continuous spiral.

Because sometimes saying it once doesn’t quite do the job.

Think of it as an international customer service department for your nationality. A wearable geographical clarification. The sort of thing you can point at when somebody says, “Ah yes, Wales. England.”

Follow the spiral. Take your time. We’ve provided considerable assistance.

There’s something wonderfully appropriate about using languages from around the world to celebrate our own. Every language gives people a way to describe their home, tell their stories and explain who they are. This design sends our little introduction out to the neighbours.

And whether you speak Welsh fluently, are learning, or are still gathering the courage to try your first sentence, or have picked up a couple of Emmys, there’s room for you. Nobody’s checking your mutations at the checkout.

Welsh has been spoken, written, defended, and passed on for centuries. We reckon it deserves to be worn with a bit of swagger.

Fifty languages. One helpful correction.

Explore the new Cymro/Cymraes ydw i range at Welsh Bollocks.